I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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