i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
