Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
