This gyro tastes like lonliness
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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