I skipped work to stalk him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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