people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
