It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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