Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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