am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
