hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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