Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
