Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
