Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
