there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
