can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
