I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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