You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
