I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
