Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
