Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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