I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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