Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she told me i tasted like america
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
