I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
40s are totally the cure
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
