1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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