What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
