Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's always time for handjobs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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