so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
