i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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