You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
