i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
