i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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