every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
