The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
