The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
