I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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