you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
