Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
