Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
