We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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