what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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