Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
