I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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