there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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