my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
