My Higher Power is John Stamos
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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