Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
