Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
