id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
