Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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