FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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