When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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