i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
