You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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