my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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