i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
