Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i may or may not be watching the land before time
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
