My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize