i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
