i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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