the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
