just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
