You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
