Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my shit smells like andre
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
