Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
