I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
