so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
