I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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