I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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