i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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