I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
